Relationship advice for both sides of the argument

Relationships are difficult for anyone to navigate, but especially college students who are busy with classes and still trying to figure out their identity. Men and women are different, so when they are brought together by attraction the key to a successful relationship is learning how to handle the differences and make the best of the situation.

Obviously not all relationships are between a man and a woman. These broad generalizations  can apply to those relationships, too, and can offer an outline on how two partners in a relationship can think about things differently yet be able to work well in a relationship together.

Men and women have very different motivations that cause very different reactions, even to the same situation. Men tend to act based on machismo, or a sense of needing to be masculine, while women tend to process situations based on their emotions.

For example, a woman can get angry if and when her male partner returns home later than promised. This anger can come from the misconception that the woman is not worth coming home to or not worthy of being informed. A guy might not get mad in the same situation because he is sure the woman will explain why she was late and then if she doesn’t offer an explanation, he will react negatively.

Notice how the difference in thought processes can cause friction between the two. To cope with the difference, partners must try to understand what the other needs and give it to them before they ask.

Some times a man needs to feel like a man. It would be good for the woman to give him the impression of that he is manly. Some times a woman needs to be comforted or receive acknowledgement that she is significant to her partner. If that's the case, then it is the man’s responsibility to recognize that and offer what she needs.

When you are trying to provide someone with the comfort or assurance of what they need, you are not only providing for them on a personal level but also making sure that your role in the relationship is fulfilled.

Some of the most common causes of drama in a relationship are jealousy and lack of trust. If you are with someone who you care about, then that person should be all you need and you should never want them to go through the pain that cheating causes. Once there has been infidelity in a relationship, typically the relationship can never be salvaged. Most often it is much easier to walk away from a relationship that lacks in trust than to learn this any other way.

The most important point to make here is that if you do not trust someone then you should not develop a serious relationship with them. Along those lines, don’t re-enter an already spoiled relationship.

While we think we have some ability to change or fix someone we really don’t even come close to that. We think we have some omnipotence power that can heal the flaws of another, but we cannot. Think about how hard it is to change a bad habit of your own. Then consider trying to change that habit as encouraged by someone else and you will more than likely find yourself unwilling to be changed. Understanding this could help you avoid unnecessary heartbreak with the same person twice.

Sometimes people are unclear about what they want in a relationship. Women sometimes say they want a prince charming, but their prince charming is usually too nice and doesn’t have the appeal of a bad boy. Men tend to want a nice girl, but often are unsatisfied when she isn’t wild enough. That is why it is important to take the time to figure out what you want before you go looking for those elements in a person.

It is also important to realize that we are all humans and everyone is flawed. It is not about finding the right or perfect person; it is about finding the person who is easiest for you to accept for who they are and for them to do the same with you. Keep that in mind and you will have a far easier time not only finding someone to share a relationship with, but also maintaining that relationship.

 

When problems do arise, a way to better your communication is to speak in all “I” statements. This allows you explain how things affect you and does not become an attack on the other person. It also forces your significant other to experience the situation through your perspective .

People in relationships may never get on the same page, but they can still get along and carry on a happy, healthy and long lasting relationship. The motives behind some common sources of friction in relationships can be easy to determine but harder to work out. Figure out how these ideas apply to your life and try to pursue the right type of relationship or make your current relationship better. With a few of these ideas in mind, it could be a lot easier to be in a relationship that makes you happy.

 

Saúl Berríos-Thomas is a junior political science major and can be reached at berriosthomass@duq.edu.